I am currently reading a book which is a classic in its field: Silent Messages: Implicit Communcation of Emotions and Attitudes by Albert Mehrabian. First published in 1971, the book throws a great deal of light on the invisible part of communication.
A formula on page 77 is the one thing that many people remember:
Total feeling = 7% verbal feeling + 38% vocal feeling + 55% facial feeling
Silent Messages: Implicit Communcation of Emotions and Attitudes. 1971. Albert Mehrabian. Page 77.
In short, if someone’s words, tone and expression do not align, you will deduce meaning primarily from facial expression, then tone and, finally, words. For instance, if your boss uses glowing words to describe your efforts but does so in a sarcastic tone and rolls his or her eyes while saying it, you will set more store on the facial expression than on the words. The “silent messages” overwhelmed the explicit one.
At first sight this may not seem like a big deal. In fact, you were probably already aware of it.
The fact is though that, just because you are aware of something when it is pointed out to you, does not mean it is front of mind when you act. For this reason, it is worth revisiting Mehrabian’s formula to gain insight on how it impacts your work and life.
No doubt you have observed (or have taken part in) message exchanges in which the sender’s words are disembodied, such as in e-mail and that, in such cases, is the recipient who provides these. Quite often the sender can be surprised at the reaction he or she gets. The fact is that you can be as sincere as you like when writing, say, a polite request by e-mail however, if the recipient reads it in a hectoring tone, you’re done!
While a great deal of effort is placed in educating people in grammar and syntax, far less effort is exercised to educate people as to how “silent” or subtle messages work. For this reason, Silent Messages is worth reading today.