Have you ever been in a conversation in which the parts that are not said were louder than the parts that were? Or have had your emotions manipulated but were not quite sure how it was done? In this second article on Albert Mehrabian’s classic work Silent Messages, I summarise the building blocks of subtle messages and the suggest ways how to get to know these better. To read part one, click here.
Mehrabian begins by defining the area he is discussing. He observes that communication has been divided into “verbal” and “non-verbal”, categories which are lop-sided given the second can include anything and everything including clothing, jewelry, style of talking, touching, media and props. Mehrabian opts for the categories of explicit verbal and linguistic phenomena and subtle.
There are rules for explicit word-messages (such as word-order, grammar, syntax, pronunciation and spelling) and great effort is made to ensure these are learned and obeyed. While the rules for the subtle communication phenomena (such as formal and informal gestures, eye-contact, nods, “uh-huhs”) are understood – in that people can decode them – far less effort is placed on studying them. The result can be that the person who understands and deploys the subtle messages can be at an advantage to the person who does not.
Mehrabian outlines five categories for the subtle messages:
- Emblems
- Illustrators
- Regulators
- Adaptors
- Affect-displays
Emblems. These are non-verbal phenomena that can be labelled such as a handshake or a wink.
Illustrators are the parts of the communication that serve to emphasise certain parts, such as through gestures.
Regulators initiate or terminate the speech, encourage him or her to keep talking, hurry up, clarify a point, and wrap up.
Adaptors relate to a person’s physical needs, such as shifting on a seat or scratching their nose.
Affect-displays are the part that reveal the emotional response. Mehrabian suggests these are along three continua, as follows:
- Pleasure – Displeasure
- Dominance – Submissiveness
- Arousal – Non-arousal
Each of these emotional states can be independent of the other. In other words, there is no correlation between each of these states, so one can express pleasure and displeasure with varying degrees of arousal and non-arousal.
So what can you do with this information? How can you use in your day-to-day life?
Silent messages are important because you might attribute qualities to someone without knowing what led you to that impression or how it was communicated to you. This knowledge helps you to understand if the quality portrayed is authentic.
Or in an interview, your verbal-explicit answer might be addressed to the subtle messages of the questioner. Where there is good faith between the parties this may not be a problem, but in circumstances in which there is not, the answer that responds to the subtle messages might be detrimental to what you were trying to say.
The subtle messages are, well, subtle so they need to be understood, studied and practiced.
To become familiar with the techniques, start looking for them in your conversations and interactions and labelling them. To begin with, it might be after the conversation has taken place. You might look at a television drama with the sound turned down to try to perceive the silent messages. To begin with, just observe and note them in a journal. Note who is effective and who is not. Do not try the techniques yourself unless you are well-practiced.
About this post: This is the second article relating to my study of Albert Mehrabian’s classic book Silent Messages. I am interested in this work because it enables me to develop my knowledge and integrate these frameworks into the coaching I provide to frontline managers and leaders. If I facilitate a course or provide coaching to you, I may not touch on it, but if it becomes relevant I will draw upon and deliver this knowledge. It is this each that enables me to adapt my work to the needs of the client.
Photo by Ming-Cheng Wu